i Don't Like Mondays

i don't like Mondays but, who does? Not that anything real bad happened today but nothing really good happened either. i did slack on my chores today because i got lazy and lost my focus..i'm sure there will be discipline dispensed soon enough and rightfully so. i hope that Dom's in general know how distressing it is also for a sub to loose his focus and mental sub space. In any event neither situation will be tolerated for very long and i do take a great deal of comfort in that and have faith Sir will put my world back on track. i do doubt it will initially be fun for me but it does not need to be and i will just be grateful for the kick in the pants (real or metaphorically).

i wonder at time if it would be good for us for me to work with more sub/pup/slave boys, in that training and instructing them more will in turn improve my obedience skills and enhance my sub side. i realize that i really am a pack animal and it feels natural to me to be in a pack and i am an alpha slave. If anyone has feedback or advice on this i would be appreciative for your sharing your thoughts on the subject.

i'm increasing anxious to post pictures on the blog for one to answer the requests from Doms ( i do love to please) but also anxious for the element of humiliation attached to adding the pictures. Perhaps this is why Sir is easing me into it. i have been granted a good deal of liberty managing the blog and recon accounts and correspondence and that has been good however, i am also eager for Sir to take more direct control if only to show me that he can. That would reduce a good deal of anxiety for me - we'll see what happens.

Maybe not such a bad Monday.

Until next time,
--jay--

Confinement

Hello fine folks.

i'm posting real quick since i have a reasonable suspicion i'm going to be locked away until tomorrow afternoon. i either did something right or really wrong...we shall see with the condition of confinement. Hopefully i'll have a picture or two to share with you after.

Today has been quiet. Sir has been extremely busy at work and i've been alone a lot lately. i'm keeping busy with my responsibilities and some side projects. i was thinking a lot today how fortunate i am to be a 24/7 sub and how stressful it would be to not have a Master.

Happy Sunday to everyone. i hope you all have someone to fuck and mindfuck :)

Happy beatings,
jay

Just Another Day

Not much to report today. No play time no fun, no real anything today. i've had a nasty headache most of the day that i can't kick - i'm hoping it goes away or diminishes when Sir gets home. i find it is a lot tougher for me to get through a day without anything to really look forward to be it bondage or making a nice meal - just having something in the day i can look forward to. For a Saturday it's been...well...blah.

i've enjoyed chatting with folks on recon. Many nice sub boys and a few Dom's.

regards -

jay

Happy Friday

So i've been in a bit of a funk the past couple days i believe from a steep sub-drop which only means i was wicked high on the session from Sir a few days ago - totally worth it. Sir gave me a little TLC last night and i feel much better and am eager for the next session (maybe a full weekend session).

i've had some random thoughts i'd like to share. The first is i noticed on Recon that some Dom's described themselves as average which to me felt like a complete contradiction and i found that distracting. Maybe that's my preference for any Dom to be extremely confident and egotistical and have that reflected in there every behavior. Maybe it confuses me because i like to think any Dom would know how subs will look up to them in wonder. Maybe i'm just floating a pink cloud and am totally unrealistic. Thoughts?

Sir asked me last night to make a series of seemingly perhaps easy decision which to me felt more like a punishment/training. Sir asked me what movie or show I'd like to most watch with him and i had to pick this was immensely frustrating and overwhelming for me and i must have changed my mind 30 times before Sir yelled at me. I really wanted to just enjoy what he wanted to watch and enjoy him enjoying himself. my personal preference can alter rapidly and drastically i'm really better suited not deciding things (sometimes even the seemingly simple things). Its not that there are not things i specifically enjoy i just almost always want what Sir wants - why does that ever have to be complicated?! There are also very few decisions i want to make on my own little things, big things, i hate making decisions or maybe i'm just scared of them.

All in all it was a much needed evening of TLC and a healthy reminder why i love Sir and whatever decision he makes. And i remain somewhat certain he was reminding why He is the one who makes the decisions and put me in my place. He always finds different and inventive ways of accomplishing the same basic things - for which i'm very grateful.

Well Happy Friday everyone. i'm noticing a gradual increase of page views and i hope it continues. Please do not hesitate to comment and let me know if there is special content you'd like me to include or just to say hello.

jay

Hardware Store

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First Post

Greetings,

So this is my first post to the blog but if i would like to get good at blogging and build connections with like minded individuals then i have to start somewhere - right.

So here is a little information about my Sir and me before I go any farther. Sir is 24 (and perfect), relatively new to the scene but also a natural Dom, alpha male. i am not sure how much i will really be sharing about Sir outside of how it relates to me day to day experience and obedience. i am 27 year old sub/slave/houseboi with a background in authoritarian structure and moderate experience in the "scene." Though Sir would say that not all of that experience i have had was healthy and admittedly my decision making has never been impressive - thankfully that is far less of a concern now that i belong to Sir! :)

So yesterday was Easter and of course that involved us having to see our families which is for us as it is for many people as nice as it is stressful though the day went better than expected. i find that not being completely out about our D/s 24/7 lifestyle is stressful for me definitely more so for me than Sir. i'd like to hear from folks how they deal with this, what has worked, what hasn't, and suggestions you'll have. i am after all getting more active in the blogosphere to engage more with my community and share information and experiences to grow more and hopefully help others do the same.

A few days ago Sir informed that he will be resuming fucking women and in the future dating them as well. As you may be guessing this caused me some initial distress and panic. Mostly out of fear and insecurity that i may not continue living with and serving Sir or somehow being replaced. i am frustrated by my initial response to him talking to me about this which resulted in a three day sulk and pout fest from me and no matter what i know i should have and could have handled myself better. That being said i am so glad we addressed this and Sir is happier and probably not surprising to you dear reader, i am a lot happier on many levels and much more fulfilling ways. Sir has been reciprocating his appreciation for my loyal obedience by finding ways to squash some of my greater insecurities which tend to muck things up.

i know that i have so much more to say and share but i will let this post be with a request for comments and feedback from you. In the near future we will be including some pictures from some of our more intense sessions and if we get enough active readers may be posting polls and let you all guide some of the fun (yay interactive).

Thank you for letting me share. With love, jay.